1. I am the LORD thy God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before Me.
I am your god, I got you out of Egypt, it is due to me that you are free. You are not allowed to have other gods; I don't want to see them.
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the LORD thy God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.
Again, I don’t want to see or hear about any religious statues/carvings of any kind that do not pertain to me. I am the jealous type, I won’t take it well, and there will be, roughly, a hundred-year family penalty, for anyone who is caught. But remember, I have a nice side too. Just tell me you love me and follow the rules.
3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain, for the LORD will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
Don’t ever talk bad about me.
4. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work; but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD thy God; in it thou shalt not do any work, you, or thy son, or thy daughter, thy manservant, or thy maidservant or thy cattle, or the sojourner who is within thy gates; for in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.
Remember, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, is my special day.
5. Honour thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
Do as your parents say to avoid an early death.
6. Thou shalt not kill.
No killing (unless I give the order).
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
No cheating on your spouse. You may think about it, but don’t do anything.
8. Thou shalt not steal.
No stealing (unless it's from a Palestinian).
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
Do not tell lies about your neighbour. If you are in some doubt, as a rule of thumb, you should not tell lies about anyone who lives closer than ten houses to yours.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house; thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything that is thy neighbour’s.
Do not yearn to possess your neighbour’s ass, or any of his stuff.